*Originally written on June, 2018.
“It is true then; the place of your death is also the place of your birth.”
I mused out loud as we travel along NLEX going to Bulacan. I saw confusion written on Laura’s face so I continued.
“We all experienced death at one point in our lives, but it does not always mean it’s a physical death. Most times, it can be emotional, psychological or spiritual death. But this “death” brings forth life, we will eventually understand that death is not the end but the beginning of a new life… a transformation.”
“It’s powerful what you just said.” She said in a soft voice.
“I know… I know.” I continued looking outside the window while trying to hold on to all the “deaths” I have experienced and how it made me more human; I realized that these deaths humble you, it strips off covers and comforts you have surrounded yourself with, it makes you realer, more compassionate, kinder.
Independence Day was the time Laura and I decided to visit Notre Dame de Vie (NDV) in Encanto, Bulacan. Coincidentally, the property is relatively close to GK Enchanted Farm and it was also a great opportunity to visit some friends and Nanays who have helped me in my research paper*.
Disconnect to Connect
On our way to Bulacan, my phone was buzzing with messages coming from Nanays and the volunteer I met in GK. “Are you in the farm yet?” “Anak anong oras ka dadating?” “Nasaan ka na?” those were the words which welcomed me upon arriving. I was happy in fact to visit, yet again, the Farm which once piqued my interest because its promising vision is quite close to my heart — they bridge the gap between the rich and the poor by allowing the poor to dream and dream big. There’s this ripple effect happening in the community which is nice because it heavily reminds me of ACAY.
And so as I arrived in the farm, a boy at the gate greeted me with “Welcome Back, Ate!” … Something I did not expect since it was already a month ago since I last visited the farm with the girls.
I hurried to meet Tita Rose as I knew she’s going back home soon. I found her stationed in First Harvest; she smiled as she saw me arriving. With a warm hug and big smile, we greeted each other as if we have known each other for the longest time. Tita Rose shared her story few weeks ago over the phone as I asked her question after question about her migration experience. It was a tough one, yet, as I watched her talking about her life in the farm, I could see traces of happiness in her eyes, one that does not tell how cruel life became for her but the kind that shows how incredibly resilient and strong a woman she is. We wanted to grab some lunch but apparently all carinderias in the village were closed; probably because of Independence Day, I don’t know. But it was a short exchange of stories and laughter and we finally bid goodbye.
The second to meet was Nanay Celia. A late-sixties, perky woman carrying pink umbrella approached me as I waited for a Nanay Celia whom I didn’t know before. After awkwardly asking “Nanay Celia?” and receiving a smile in reply, I rushed to hug her and found shelter on her cozy umbrella. We decided to talk in her house which is outside the farm. While walking, we exchanged stories after stories. It was a revelation; the afternoon unfolded more stories untold, things were disclosed and shared and I could only offer my presence and attention at this point. I could do nothing more than be there for her as she talked about some domestic concerns. Thankfully, Louis arrived and the conversation became lighter, happier. It was a nice afternoon which was cut short since I had to go ahead to my original destination: NDV.
We were brought by Laura’s friend who’s volunteering in GK to NDV. As we approached the property, I could sense that we were up to a quite “silent” day; the property was so vast it somehow disconnected the place to the noise of the world outside.
It was Carol who welcomed us. She showed us our rooms and the property as she shared stories about their lifestyle inside the convent.
What fascinated me the most was the collection of books in their library. Most books are in French.
The NDV sisters are not your typical religious sisters. They don’t wear habit. They are not enclosed inside a convent. They interact with the world and they hold their day jobs in the secular world. What ties them to their faith is their prayerful life and spiritual affinity to Blessed Marie-Eugene of the child Jesus. They are lay consecrated women devoting their whole life to their spirituality.
“This place is where we go once we are retired.” Carol explained; they are not also supposed to be called a “sister”.
Inside my room was a portrait of St. Teresa de Avila.
The Gift of Self
It was my time in NDV library when I stumbled upon Teresa De Avila’s book. As I leafed through the pages, I saw this whole section about love for others… and in it, the following words were said:
“The transformative aspect of love of others is rooted precisely in the fact that it is sometimes so difficult to do in action.”
“True love is the opposite of self-seeking… and in marriage, as in religious life, it is the little, daily actions of being attentive, patient, forgiving, and other-directed toward another sinner that empower married people to become free to love one another and to love God.”
“Authentic self-giving must be chosen, and it must be free. We must value and possess ourselves in order to authentically give ourselves away.”
It was a timely reminder on what love is and what it is not.
Days before that retreat, I was facing a rather cruel dilemma: What does it mean to be selfish?
And here was St. Teresa, telling me exactly what it means NOT to be selfish.
The past months have been some sort of a test; deaths were experienced and relationships were challenged, if not, disintegrated. Yet there I was, in the confines of NDV convent, seeking answers to all the questions which formed inside my head over time.
We always try to seek the truth, anyway.
* Blog Entry about Labor Migration can be read here: ON DISTANCE & LOVE
Lou x Raine 