ON DISTANCE & LOVE

A reflection paper on Filipino Communities transformed by Labor Migration

Memento

It was a Thursday when I decided to visit Vargas Museum for the Beyond Myself exhibit. I went there without bringing any information aside from knowing it is for OFWs. It was a good timing for me apparently; a talk from Anja Mary Paul on Stepwise Migration of multi-national maids was happening and I was able to know more about the movement and motivations of both Filipinos and Indonesians who were going abroad as Domestic Workers.

However, I was not prepared to see the art pieces being displayed in the gallery. As I discovered the hall more and more, I found somewhat familiar mementos that shaped me, too, as an individual.

I come from a family of OFWs. My father is a sailor; he cooks for all the passengers of a cargo ship. His brothers were all sailors, too. My early memories from my father had a lot to do with handwritten letters. I used to draw people and houses and my mother would then send it to my father. I could still remember how happy I was when he gets back and I see my letters tucked neatly inside his attache case. I grew up knowing that my father had to move away from us to earn money and it meant being away for months on end and staying with us a couples of weeks in a year. I used to believe it was an ultimate act of love. However, being exposed to the intricacies of social work and family dynamics somehow raised my awareness that despite the financial wellness it gave, it also brought a subtle taste of family disintegration.

I looked across the hallway and saw familiar notes of love and connection. I saw Filipinos, resilient as we are, who tried to break the chains of loneliness and isolation by surrounding themselves with pieces loaded with memories of loved ones, their home, their country. Each piece contains a happy memory; an anecdote of a moment gone by. Each piece acts as a strong reminder that wherever they may be, their loved ones are with them in their hearts.

The exhibit did not only showcase connections of family but also a resolute faith in God. It showed how people, in times of struggle (in this case, struggle of being away and living in a foreign land with foreign people around them), has turned towards their faith and it has given them strength to continue the journey as long as one knows that God is with them. They brought with them rosaries and icons, statues and bibles and they held on to it like how they held on to the memories of their “home” in the forms of mementos.

One could only assume how critical the role of faith in the lives of Overseas Filipino Workers. Could it be one of the instrumental factors why they were able to withstand any challenge they encountered as they thrive abroad?

I could only speak from my experience. I remember our mother telling us to pray one night. She told me and my sister that we have to pray to God so papa will always be safe from harm. She told us that prayers are powerful; papa will feel that we pray for him and it will make him happy. Those were the memories I carried as I grew up living with a devout catholic mother. Now looking back, I realized it’s one way to cope to the situation; one can pray and leave it all to God that everything will turn out right in the end. It’s a way of a Filipino family to assure themselves that their loved ones abroad will go back home alive. It gives them a feeling of security and stability; it destroys all doubts and thoughts; it makes them more resilient.

Outsmarting Distance

One could say that such decision to move away requires a whole lot of courage and will in order to live it up.

One of Filipino realities since time immemorial is the lack of opportunities to be financially well off if one chooses to stay in the Philippines. Being “well-off” means one has to brave the unknown; greener pasture is abroad therefore one needs to be brave enough to take the plunge of working there. True enough, more and more Filipinos have chosen over time to work abroad.

I watched an interesting film that captured this phenomena. I.T.A.L.Y. (I trust and Love You), depicted a story of a young girl who dared to dream big. She dreamed to provide the best for her family and to become a renowned singer herself. She has always dreamed of going to places and exploring its culture and discover its beauty. She has even come to a point where her dreams are full of wonderful places and she was married to a white man. She did all she could to make her dream a reality. However, it fell short when a job offered to her was the exact opposite of her vision; she was given a housekeeping role. Surprisingly, she embraced it with open arms and she was even more excited to start her journey.

Reality kicked in a couple of days after she arrived on board. She was hit rather strongly by melancholia; she misses home, she misses her brothers but most of all, she misses her father. It was heart breaking to watch the scene where she called home and her father could not even speak because of high emotions. It was a struggle millions of Filipinos had to take; it was one of the saddest faces of reality.

But, the assertion has always been that of “Filipinos are highly resilient”. Now, given this reality, how did the protagonist face it? She found comfort in the presence of fellow Filipinos. She forged a solid connection and has even considered the head housekeeper as her mother; she sought love from them.

Filipinos abroad found their way to form a community, too. They found home in the presence of fellow Filipinos. The warmth brought by the native tongue, similar jokes and shared culture made them feel as if they were not distant at all. It is ironic to think that one has found a way to outsmart the geographical struggle life has given them; it truly is a very striking face of resiliency.

One striking feature of Filipinos living abroad is the fact that they know how to find pleasure in the midst of adversity. In the case of Sunday Beauty Queens, Domestic Workers in Hong Kong formed a solid community that gathers every Sunday, hence the title, and created activities that would make their situation lighter, more bearable.

However, such connection sometimes could also go down south. A lot of cases of infidelity, multiple partners and homosexual activities are also circling around the community. How then, will a person know, if something is already too much? How does one define morality, then, if reality tells otherwise? Reality speaks that they are lonely and they have physical needs to attend to. Reality speaks that even if they love their partners back home, they also need physical affection now and not a year later. Reality tells them they are free to do whatever they want as long as their passport or visa or work is not at stake; they can explore whatever they want.

In the movie Milan, it showed a Filipino couple, both of them have partners left in the Philippines, yet with full consciousness, agreed to engage in a physical and probably emotional relationship as long as they are in Milan. However, they also know that things would go back to normal once they go back to the Philippines, too.

How does one reconcile two opposing values, then? One that says “I love my partner back home” and the other that says “I have physical needs”?

This reality tackles head on the very fabric of society: Family. How does these activities impact the dynamics of family and also affect their children? How do we respond to this?

Sunrise seen inside the metro along some French countryside

On Coming Back Home

             It was T.S. Elliot in his writing “Little Gidding, Four Quartet’s” that he beautifully described the feeling of coming back home. It said:

                        “We shall not cease from exploration

                        And the end of all our exploring

                        Will be to arrive where we started

                        And know the place for the first time.”

One could only say that the words ring true to the lives of Overseas Filipino Workers. After all the works have been done and contracts have been rendered, Filipinos will eventually come back home in the arms of their family, in their community. But what does “coming back” mean to them? How does the “exploration” i.e., all the time they have spent abroad transformed them as individuals, as partners, as fathers/mothers and as citizens of the Philippines?

I did not have any chance to do an interview to returned OFWs but it is something I would like to focus on. In the movie Anak, the protagonist came back home after years spent abroad working. However, the family she once had had transformed as her relationship with her sons and daughters sadly transformed, too. The connection that was once there has been lost along the way; the warm embraces became cold rejections and resentment. The protagonist experienced the drastic consequence of being away.

I wonder how it is for male OFWs on the other hand. I wonder how this reality and transformation affect the male; them being the provider, the father, the pillar of the house?

What if life did not turn out good and after all the works they have done, there was no investment and they had to look for work in the Philippines instead? What if, due to old age, they cannot afford to work anymore, therefore, becoming one of the dependents inside the household? How does this reality affect them and their masculinity? What are their ways of coping and how do they respond to this grim reality?

It is also good to look at the brighter side of things. It is true that OFWs might have also invested something in the Philippines and could have already started a business. In the pamphlets being handed out during the Beyond Myself exhibit, one pamphlet collected the success stories of returned OFWs and how they started small business in their provinces. There is also hope. More and more, the government, NGOs and other Organizations are in full force in helping OFWs create business ventures so their money will be maximized. More and more, OFWs and their partners are learning financial literacy. They now know how to save and invest and put their money in the right place.

On Finding One’s Identity

 Finally, I read a masterpiece of F. Sionil Jose, Viajero and it posed a lot of thoughts in terms of finding one’s identity. It rings the truth especially for a majority of the Filipinos who have already chosen to live and build family abroad.

For someone as inquisitive as Salvador Dela Raza, one would probably ask oneself this question; “Who am I? Where do I come from?”  I could only imagine how this existential question was already asked by a lot of Filipinos born abroad.

The book posed an interesting journey; a search of one’s identity and tracing of one’s roots. Identity is one vital part of human existence. Identity can be defined by one’s skin color, language, worldview, practices and beliefs.

However, for someone whose skin is dark but speak a foreign language, how can one identify himself, then? If one is already born abroad, law states that they have all the right to call themselves a native of that land. But their blood, the Filipino blood running through their veins could also tell them that they can call themselves, Filipino. How does this search for one’s identity affect a person’s worldview and self-appreciation? How does this impact his sense of self?

And so with all these questions, I find myself immersed in the world of Labor Migration. As questions flow and discoveries uncovered, I only find refuge in knowing that all these questions will be answered eventually.