“Your hearts know in silence the secrets of the days and the nights.
But your ears thirst for the sound of your heart’s knowledge.
You would know in words that which you have always known in thought.
[…] And seek not the depths of your knowledge with staff or sounding line.
For self is a sea boundless and measureless.
Say not, “I have found the truth,” but rather, “I have found a truth.”
Say not, “I have found the path of the soul.”
Say rather, “I have met the soul walking upon my path.”
For the soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed.
The soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals.
– The Prophet
Drafted November 2016
Hello there, How’s everything ? I hope life is kind and gentle for you.
I know it’s been a while since we last talked and I’ve been in the shadows lately. Don’t worry, I’m still alive. I’m still breathing.
To tell you honestly, I’ve never felt so alive in my life. Funny how it works, one has to be away to be closer. One has to be invisible to be visible.
I kept myself busy all these years, you see. I’ve went highs and lows, searched farther and further for the things we always, always seek: Purpose and Happiness.
I worked my ass off trying to find them. They’ve been so elusive, mysterious.
But it’s making sense now. I realized it when I stopped chasing after them. I thought they wanted to be pursued… at least that’s what the “pursuit of happiness” made us believe.
I thought it liked the hunt.
But praise the heavens, it don’t.
I stopped years back, you know that. I stopped the chase when I realized no one’s out there.
“Who was I chasing after? The question popped like a pill.
A shadow. A shadow of the past, the present, the future is what’s out there.
Then I got overwhelmed by the overlapping realities of life. I stopped. I threw all my cards on the table.
I thought it ended there. I thought this was a game of life, a poker-kind-game-of-life.
But this ain’t no game.
You were surprised when I decided to live in an alternate universe with people I don’t really know. Don’t worry, I was surprised by my decision, too.
But that was it! That was the call I was yearning for. To come alive, to be part of something bigger than me, to change lives for the better. It’s all there in a dainty package. They’re all there.
I fought for it. I fought to be part of it. To stay. To continue. To go beyond. It was a battle.
But I won. I’m still winning.
In the beginning, I was asking myself what the hell am I doing here? But I never thought of quitting. Never. You know how stubborn I could be when I’m crazy in one thing. And this is really craziness.
See, I don’t even know how to go on with my life or at least make sense of things yet I committed in helping others fix their goddamn lives.
An ultimate paradox.
I didn’t know what to give. I knew things, but it ain’t enough.
I thought I was not giving. I didn’t know I was already giving my life.
Bit by bit, piece by piece, I was giving myself away.
I thought I lost myself when I gave it away. I didn’t know I had to give it so I’d take a new one.
A better version.
A wiser person.
Bit by bit, piece by piece, I reconstructed myself. Opened my life to the possibilities of loving unconditionally, of giving my full confidence and trust in a mystery, of losing and finding my way back again.
Two years forward, I ask myself again:
“Who am I?”
Am I still the person you used to know? The woman you used to love? The ego you used to hate?
Am I still the person I once were?
But I’m sorry to tell you this. I am not that woman anymore.
A lot has happened.
A lot has taken away but a lot more was given.
And I like it this way.
Can we still be friends? (This is for you. Yes, you.)
Lou x Raine 